Introduction to a Future Doctor... Hopefully
When I decided I wanted to be a doctor, I was probably like... five. But that doesn't count right? I mean, kids say all the time what they want to be when they grow up, and its usually something crazy like an astronaut, or brave like a firefighter, or even something metanormal like a super hero. But I stuck with doctor. My mom would ask me every couple of years what my plans were, and she always got the same answer. I never even really knew why. Before I knew how hard it was, or how long it took, or even the financial stability that comes with it, that's all I wanted to be. Well, fast forward to high school, I started to realize that becoming a doctor was no easy task. I thought that since I made good grades and excelled in math and science that I would be a prime candidate. Boy was I wrong. Being the first person in my family to make it past high school, I didn't really have anybody showing me the ropes or mentoring me on my path to become a doctor. This put me behind most
Hey Jake! Your chosen themes for the storybook are super interesting. I think fate, free will, and karma are phenomenons that still mystify and confuse us, so I hope to learn more about each theme reading your stories. I also think the dichotomy between fate and free will are interesting since some people argue that what happens to us is due to fate, while others think that we hold our fates in our own hands. I'm looking forward to see how you choose to frame these two ideas in your stories. For your intro story, I really liked it! You're a good writer and it felt like reading an old fable from a storybook. I also liked that you decided you told the story from the captain's point of view since it puts the reader in the shoes of the captain. We don't know what's happening and why it's happening, but it's scary and fascinating. I also think you added more depth with the story too, so good job!
ReplyDeleteHey Jake!
ReplyDeleteI think your ideas for the story are really cool, and they definitely incorporate some major Indian Epic themes well. Your writing style is really nice, a lot like most classic storybooks, and the introductory paragraph made me sit back happily and prepare for a good story. I wonder though, is the Introduction a briefing or foreshadowing of other stories to come, or is it just going ahead and telling a story already? Are you going to connect your stories, or just have a compilation of stories that exemplify Karma? My only suggestions for you are to include a more specific overview on the very first title page, though the short little length of it was good, and for the introduction explain how the stories are going to fit together or at least relate to each other through the common theme of Karma. Good job, and I can’t wait to read the rest of your stories!
Hi Jake!
ReplyDeleteI thought your storybook concept of Karma was super interesting and unique, especially since that is such a consistent theme throughout many Indian epics and legends, and in mythology around the world, so you have a lot of source material to choose from. I’m curious to see what other stories you’ll use in your story book, and I’m interested in reading more stories from you in the future and seeing where you take these ideas. A few critiques I have would be that the formatting on the home page is a little confusing. I think it’s 2 columns? But it looks like the first sentence just goes into image info instead. Also, I think the connection between the story you wrote in your introduction and the concept of karma could be a bit stronger, since I was a little confused about where the concept of fate came into play.
Hey! So just finished up going through your website and I think it is very nicely created. I love the concept of Karma and I look forward and see how you craft more stories around this idea. Karma is something that I personally believe in and I think it actually has effects on us. Cosmic questions are super fascinating and I think that you have so much room to experiment in. I think the first story showed the power of choice in this world. The sailors were given a chance at life and then they were given a choice. The karma functions not just as you get what you get, but you are rewarded with action. I think that the actions and opportunities given to them speak to that. This subject is super fascinating and I hope that you continue on this and I hope that you enjoy working on it! Good luck!
ReplyDeleteJake,
ReplyDeleteI really like your idea and concept for your project. I am also doing my project on Karma so I am obviously very interested in finding out what other people think. I am going from a different angle so it's cool to see other Karma projects and how although we all have similar ideas, our stories are so different from one another. Your website design is very cool and on theme with how Karma is almost a universal thing and every decision ever person makes matters in the end. I think your first story shows Karma in a very interesting way. The idea that Karma is a choice is very prevalent and I think your use of it so far in your project depicts your idea of Karma well. I think your writing in your first story is very well thought-out and very descriptive that readers enjoy it and want to read more. I can't wait to read more of your stories and learn more about your ideal concept of Karma.
Hey Jake,
ReplyDeleteInteresting concept, I think it is very creative! Content-wise I think you know what you're doing so I don't have any suggestions for that! There are, however, a couple grammar mistakes I saw while reading your story. One of the biggest is that you constantly mixed up your verb tenses. For example "The moon is high in the sky and the waves are getting choppy." This is awkward to read because you mixed up verb tenses. I would go back through your story and make sure they're all in the same tense.
Some of the formatting is also awkward. In your introduction, you have your introductory sentence on the side, the image information right next to it, and your comment wall at the bottom. I think it would look nicer to have introduction on top, your comment wall right under it, and the image information at the bottom. This way, everything is lined up and your most important parts (introductory sentence and comment wall) are at the top. The story is also just one big paragraph, it would look much nicer and easier to read if you split it up.
Hope this helped and good luck with the story!
Hello Jake! I thought your story was quite the thriller! It definitely had some exciting mythical characters - the pegasus, fairy, and flesh-eating goblins. For some reason, I felt this Percy Jackson and the Olympians vibe going on, maybe because all those books and movies were about Percy and his friends constantly escaping and running into new enemies and obstacles. Nonetheless, I thoroughly enjoyed your story! A few things I might consider for revisions is the formatting in your Intro. Since it was one big paragraph, it seemed a bit overwhelming from the start. I would try to split it up to make it more visually appealing and overall organized. There was also quite a jump in the plot from the storm forming, to land being nearby, and the ship suddenly sinking and all. It felt like everything was just happening out of nowhere, so I would try to ease in all these events somehow, or maybe just word it in a way to have everything flow nicely. Other than that, great work!
ReplyDeleteHi Jake!
ReplyDeleteI found your project while browsing the projects wall on Canvas. I was immediately drawn to it because I want to know my fate and I stayed for the galaxy theme! You have a great way of capturing your readers right off the bat with such a great theme. Your first story sound great and used such great detail! My only recommendation for this one is to maybe move your picture up from the bottom of the page. I almost missed seeing such a great image. I do not want anyone else to miss the opportunity to see such a great illustration. On to your second story I really like the way you have your authors note and bibliography set up. By putting it in the middle the reader is able to differentiate between these two and the story. I would suggest editing the story down a little. Having almost 1200 words seems a bit daunting to the readers. However, I like how you set up the paragraphs in this story! I makes the story easier to read for such a long story. Great work so far!!!
Hi Jake! I wanna start by saying that I love the topic you chose. We should always be considerate of the consequences of our actions so I enjoyed reading your stories! Looking at your images, I have some suggestions. One thing is that I think you should add more image information to better relate the pictures to the story. Although I can figure out why you chose the picture you did, I think providing more image information would be useful to your readers to better understand how the picture related to the story. Another suggestion I have is maybe moving your image to a different location on the page. Since the image is at the bottom, I initially thought you had not included an image. I think if you moved your image to maybe halfway through your story, that would be helpful. A final comment on your images is maybe changing your banner picture? I don’t think it’s bad but I think you could even change it for each page and that would just add more to your website.
ReplyDeleteHi Jake,
ReplyDeleteI found your storybook to be so interesting, especially the theme you chose. Karma is such a widely discussed and thought about topic in my opinion. The idea of good and bad, good vs evil, etc. can lead to a lot of thought and discussion. I also liked how you included that all decisions have consequences because I could not agree more with you. I read your story "Karma on the Island" and it was a very interesting read. I like how you included mystery form the beginning, as the sailor looks out and is unsure of the island. By including this I think you set the stage for more mystery to come, which it did. I definitely was not expecting the women on the island to be eating their husbands but thought it was a funny twist. Also, I really liked how it had a happy ending for at least some of the sailors.